Dinosaur
by Meals on Wheels
Summary: "But our love is a dinosaur, hear it roar." Songfic for MattxMello Kisschasy's Dinosaur. Yaoi-ish and hurting characters. M to be safe


So this song is by Kisschasy an amazing Aussie band, if you don't know them it will be well worth it to youtube them, and the video for this song, its so sweet. If one person that reads this watches it I will be happy :)

I thought the song was very MattxMello, and i seem to write a lot of depressing stuff for them, that ends up turning out alright, because its fun. I think this could have happened because this couple is so obviously canon. Or it should be. Either way.

Its not too harsh on the Yaoi, which I know sucks, but I tried to focus on the real part of there relationship here. And because no one ever reads these things I think I should bring this around to the disclaimer.

I don't own anything other than what is currently in my house. The song is Kisschasy's Dinosaur, and again youtube it because it is pretty awesome. Matt and Mello aren't mine either *sigh*

* * *

_Trying to beat my misery  
_

Matt was never very good at expressing his emotions. When Mello left him alone in the Orphanage, he did not know how to handle it. He did not know what to do without Mello. For days he sat in their shared room, unmoving; skipping classes, because he wasn't even sure he knew the way without Mello. He did not know how to handle being alone.

_Don't wanna go across the sea  
_

He didn't know this feeling, it was so unrecognisable. Was it guilt, for not being enough to make Mello take him? Or disappointment, that the one thing he always needed was no longer there? It was all Matt could do most days to get up and go to classes he never had any interest in anyway. He wanted to follow Mello, but knew there was no point now. Mello would have told him if he wanted him there. Thats what made Matt feel so empty.

_And if I could take you everywhere _

Some time after Mello had gone, Matt took up smoking. To fill the void, maybe, that was created by Mello's absence. The danger of being caught reminded him of Mello. He would go outside, pretending to be interested in the soccer matches Mello had been so intrigued by, and find a spot to light his cigarette and smoke away his grief.

_There'd be no cause for my despair_

When he smoked he reminisced on times they spent together, like when Mello wanted an adventure, and Matt followed him outside the orphanage. Matt had then let himself be convinced by Mello to "borrow" a car, and take him anywhere. He remembered the many times he comforted Mello, because he was not good enough; was only second. Mello was always first in Matt's mind.

_And I know we won't touch for months_

Matt missed Mello's hands, his touches, sometimes rough, sometimes cherishing. Whether he was pulling Matt away from the TV screen because he was bored, or running them down his back and sides, Mello's hands used to always drive Matt crazy. Matt had always loved the sight of those fingers running through Mello's yellow blond hair when he was deep in thought, and pull when he came to any sort of revelation. The way Mello would touch his cheeks gently, and lift his goggles off of his face would always send shivers down Matt's spine. Matt didn't think he could ever lose that feeling.

_And your smell will evade me_

Mello's sent was always enticing, as well. Always a musk of chocolate and strawberry conditioner, sometimes mixed with black nail polish, if it was a weekend. Matt remembered the first time Mello made him paint his nails for him. He said he could finally put Matt's gamers hands to good use. It really is the little things you miss.

_But our love could survive a war _

Miss him Matt did, as he knew that no matter how much time passed, he would never let Mello go. He had meant too much to him, and still means too much to him. Even when Mello was still at the orphanage, Matt knew this. He knew if Mello ever hit him, it was not meant for him, but Near, or someone else that had angered him to the point of blind rage. Matt was always just glad he would hit him, rather than any of the others. He knew Mello was on thin ice at Wammy's.

_Without the slightest sore _

Matt would never feel the bruises, only the love Mello would give to him as apology. Matt knew Mello was just a softy underneath anyway, he was as sweet as the chocolate he ate, at least to Matt. Mello was not at all the dominate guy he portrayed to the world. Sure Matt followed Mello, but he only did this because it was what he wanted.

* * *

_I know you suffer for my art _

Matt would get over it, Mello had to keep telling himself,as time went by. He did not like to think about the effect that him leaving had on the red head. Mello tried not to remember how Matt would always take him for the imperfect second he was. He almost convinced himself that Matt would have moved on, and that he had too. Almost.

_Always pulling us apart _

Mello knew it was his fault, because of the distance between them. The distance was increasing long before he left, he knew. There was only so many times Matt could skip class or purposely do wrong to get detention with Mello, without the teachers getting suspicious. All Mello wanted was to be close to Matt again, like they had been before.

_Your forever in my brain_

Even though Mello knew he had to leave, to beat Near, and avenge his idol, it still hurt when he thought of that red-head boy. Mello remembered the look on his face when he was told to steal a car on one of their adventures. Fear for a moment, and then a cheeky smile topped off with pure bliss when he was driving fast to get away.

_Even when I cause you pain_

He knew that leaving Matt behind would have devastated the boy. Mello tried to ignore this knowledge, and hoped that Matt would not forget that pain, because he knew if the pain Matt felt was forgotten, it would mean he would forget Mello. Mello couldn't possibly imagine a Matt without himself. He supposed he would have to get used to the idea.

_And I know I can't taste your skin_

At night was when Mello felt the most loneliness. Back at Wammy's house, when he shared a room with Matt, he was never lonely. At night, sitting alone in his one bedroom apartment, Mello would reminisces on those times back in their shared bedroom. He remembers once he decided to see if he could wake Matt up by only touching him using his tongue. He could, but it took a while. Matt's a heavy sleeper.

_With an ocean between us_

The loneliness really got to Mello sometimes. He never thought he would have to be lonely again, once he met Matt, his second half. Without Matt, he felt empty and useless, more so than when he was at the Orphanage and always second to that albino dwarf. Mello didn't realise he could miss someone so much.

_But our love is a dinosaur_

Violence was the main repercussion of this loneliness. Before joining the Mafia, he had spent time on the streets. He looked like a girl with his hair and leather, and back then he was always fighting off men. He would always lash out at strangers, for the slightest things. He remembered a time when he nearly bashed a man to death because he called him "Blondy". Matt used to call him that.

_Hear it roar_

Mello knew it wasn't right, but he prayed for Matt. He would be on assassination missions for the Mafia, or drug deals for spare cash, risking his life, but he would always pray for Matt. He didn't think God would listen to him anymore, but he hoped he would. For Matt. He prayed for his peace; prayed for his health. Prayed for his forgiveness.

* * *

_And I know we won't touch for months_

Life went on at Wammy's without Mello for Matt, unfortunately. He would always remember Mello, but he couldn't be sad forever. New games came out, new kids came in to replace the old ones, and Matt was growing up too. He couldn't wait for Mello at Wammy's forever.

_And your smell will evade me_

The day Matt himself left Wammy's was very sad. His room had been his home since he had come to Wammy's and though he disliked the classes and most of the teachers, they at least gave him purpose in life. There was no way he would try to succeed L, he did not have the motivation, without Mello there to push him. He decided to get away from Wammy's, leaving Britain, for America the  
"Land of Opportunity". Really the only opportunity Matt wanted was to see Mello again.

_But our love could survive a war_

Matt rented an apartment in California, and spent his time gaming and eating Chinese food. He hacked the money he needed for new games and Chinese food online, as he didn't feel like getting a job. He didn't really feel like doing much of anything. Until one day he received a call on his mobile. When he saw the name of the person calling, he froze with shock. Answering the phone, without saying a word, he heard the voice of the boy he hadn't heard from in years. In pain.

_Without the slightest sore_

Without even locking his apartment door, he was in his car and speeding away to the address Mello's weak voice had moaned down the phone. Luckily they were both in California. Matt shuddered to think what would have happened if he had of stayed in Britain. He drove as fast as his car would go until he saw the ruins of a building at the place Mello had described. Matt nearly hit himself. Of course. Mello had destroyed a building.

* * *

_And I know I can't taste your skin_

The schemes became more extravagant, as Mello made his goals of taking down Kira clear to his bosses. His intelligence and plans had gotten the Mafia a lot of money, though at the cost of a lot of lives. Mello was able to seek his goal, as he was respected enough; the goal he left Wammy's for. The goal he had left Matt for. This only motivated him to win further.

_With an ocean between us _

He devised plan after plan to take Kira down, to beat him, without the help of anyone. He could not sleep, he would not sleep. He couldn't sleep the same anyway, anymore. Not since he left Wammy's. Though Mello convinced himself he was over Matt, his dreams were the only place where he couldn't lie to himself. The appearance of the Shinigami acted as a nice diversion for Mello from his aching heart.

_But our love is a dinosaur_

He thought his plan was safe, was foolproof. Apparently he didn't account for the fool Shinigami who was supposed to be on his side. Mello was glad he took precautions in that moment. He did not want to blow up the building with himself inside, but what else could he have done? He thought of regret as he pressed the button. He thought of Matt.

_Hear it roar_

The searing pain was almost too much for Mello. He could not move. He could not breathe. Again, he thought of Matt, and how the boy was always there for him when they were at Wammy's. He was there when he needed him, without Mello even having to ask. He knew he would have to ask this time. Reaching for his phone as slowly as possible to ensure as little pain as possible, Mello pulled it out from his singed leather which felt as though it had melted to his skin. He dialed Matt's number, which he still remembered from the Wammy's days and prayed to God Matt hadn't changed it...

He hadn't.

_Hear it roar _

Mello truly felt as though he could of died, his whole left side was stinging so badly he was sure he would no longer have any skin there at all. He could barely hear the footsteps of heavy boots over the still singeing rubble around him. He could barely feel the touch of fingers as they pulled him up from the ground and carried him outside. What he could see was the mass of red hair that Mello was so glad to see he painfully pulled his hands up and wound them tightly within it, praying he would never have to let go again.

* * *

So Yay for MattxMello. Did you like it? Reviews would be appreciated thanks, tell me if you listened to the song, that would be fun :)


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